I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
