i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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