Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
