just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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