we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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