Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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