i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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