Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
