it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
