You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
