I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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