He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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