brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got inside last night via doggy door
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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