Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When are your genitals available?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
