return my video game
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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