Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
