i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
