my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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