You can't special order awesome
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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