Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
