we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
