What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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