Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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