So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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