before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
