I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
