i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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