does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
