come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
