Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
