also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
