quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
