She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He passed out mid-signature
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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