Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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