I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
