If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
