hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
