After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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