i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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