i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
