I will die if light touches me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
