I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
