Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
