I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize