im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
