I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
