Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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