you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
