piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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