making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize