can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We are two peas in an std pod
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
