Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
