I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
do herpes really smell.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
