I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
