I love black thongs
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
