dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
