He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
