bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am spending my child support on dildos
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
