Me. At least after what I've been through.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
