god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
