I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Watching her eat just hurts me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
