You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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