Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
