What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
