i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
