Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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