Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
